I wrote this for Nick Pell at Key 64.  I’m very glad he asked me to write it, because it did me a lot of good to get my thoughts organized, and the response to this piece has been huge.  I’m backing it up here because I like my formatting more, plus I fixed a number of typos.

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I’ve got a very simple solution to winning the war on terrorism, and it’s best described as heavily armed pacifist philanthropy. So this will hopefully offend both sides of the meaningless Liberal vs. Conservative professional wrestling rivalry.  The key difference between most other approaches to the War on Terror and my own is simple: this approach is backed up by a total success rate and abundant historical proofs in plain sight. 

Peaceful non-violence works.  Specifically, it works as a secure and reliable system for major social change.  It worked for Martin Luther King, it worked for Ghandi, and most recently, it worked in the Ukraine.  By using this on a global level, the United States of America can enact global changes, and do so without creating resentment and hostility abroad.  Yes, this does mean I am proposing that the only way to win the War on Terror is to stop fighting it, immediately.

Philanthropy works.  Specifically, it works as foolproof method for changing how people percieve you and think of you.  It worked for the Rockefellers, for the Rothschilds, for the Carnegies and for the Kennedy family, too.  If the United States were to step up it’s foriegn aid to levels that made the United Nations look like broke amateurs, there is no question that this would create a positive image for the United States, worldwide, for decades to come.  It’s worth pointing out we could do this for less than the cost of existing “PsyOps” programs. Yes, this does mean I am proposing that the only way to win hearts and minds is to buy them, because it’s literally cheaper and more profitable than killing them.

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I thought I was a pacifist for years: I recently came to realize I’m merely a coward.  I suspect I’m hardly unique in this, but I leave it to other “pacifists” to decide for themselves.  After all, it’s certainly not a blanket statement—I’m not trying to imply that Martin Luther King was some sort of sissy, for instance, because it’s transparently obvious he was not.  I merely mean that for a white male living in Vermont, “pacifism” is more of an intellectual security blanket than an honest stance.

I know that Brainsturbator has readers in the military, and I know anyone with a brain is at least vaguely concerned about the future.  The military, like nearly every other organization on Earth, has been a little slow on the uptake in adapting to a rapidly changing planet.  Rather than aiming our microscope at the usual suspects like DARPAstien, we’ll be focusing on two exceptionally tasty source documents and then veering into some Aikido mysticism for a little while.  Hopefully y’all find this as interesting as I did.  If not, I WILL F***ING KILL YOU.

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As I get older, it becomes a comfort instead of an insult: I have never had an original thought in my life.  Everything I’ve ever thought up is at least a couple centuries old.  So when I was reading a newpaper article about the Iraq War (first one) on LSD and had this really crazy concept pop into my head...yeah.  Turns out I am not the first to consider giving everyone on Earth some good acid clarity.

It turns out there’s a lot of interesting growth under this particular rock—so let’s start poking and digging at the history of what DARPA refers to as “Incapacitating Weapons”, or the military applications of tripping your balls off.  We will visit the CIA, Iraq, a great horror movie, and all the usual hippie suspects from Leary to Hoffman.  Perhaps you’ll even be inspired to manufacture your own LSD and get to work as a free agent in the Illumination Industry.

Not that Brainsturbator would ever advocate something so irresponsible and illegal.

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Although Daniel Quinn hasn’t amounted to much since his breakthrough book Ishmael, still: hot damn, that was one hell of a book. The realization that I lived in a culture that locked up it’s food in order to force us to work was a brutal shock.  Come to think of it, it still is a brutal shock, because that’s one of those “hidden in plain sight” secrets that’s easy to forget for months at a time.

One of the best illustrations of how absurd and horrific our Great Nation really is would have to be the saga of Food Not Bombs, an activist franchise that’s dedicated to the radically dangerous act of feeding homeless people.  Yep.  They set up public kitchens and give away meals—generally vegan and organic, to boot—to anyone and everyone who wants some food.

The story of how America has responded to these allegedly peaceful and well-intentioned terrorists will make your heart swell with patriotic pride.  Or, it might make you puke.

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From the Desk of Thirtyseven:

I’ve been an “autodidact” my whole life --- a self-teacher.  This is a mix of natural genetic disposition towards being curious, mixed with a swollen ego that prevents me from taking anyone else seriously.  There are some things, like Magick or LSD, which I have found to be personally useful, but would not advocate to anyone else. Dropping out of school is definitely not one of them: this is for every human being on Earth.

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If you aren’t aware of the fact military-run prison camps are a reality in the United States of America and detailed plans for their use have been in existence for over a decade, read up.  We’re going to assume our audience has been walking around with their eyes open.

Given the sheer velocity of recent events, it’s a good time to assess ugly possibilities.  One of these is a martial law situation, which would lead to the US military attempting to take control over the US.  This involves disarming the populace, establishing a strategic position in the community, and tracking down the citizens who have been dubbed potential threats by the Pentagon, Justice Department, or FBI.  (Apparently it’s a quite a long list of naughty children.)

This article is a collection of tools for you to assess the situation in your community and make plans for effective resistance with your neighbors and friends.  As the great man once said, “An armed and educated populace can be invaded, but never conquered.”

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This is a DIY guide to rigging an election.  We’ve had four consecutive national elections stolen in this country, and any talk about “reform” at this point is just being willfully stupid.  The system is corrupted and broken beyond repair.  However, I’m not worried about it.  See, I’ve got an idea.  To me, it’s most obvious solution: if stealing elections is easy enough for those chumps to do it, then let’s do it better than them.

As I researched this article, I’ve had a growing excitement for the past couple days: this is completely possible. The security exploits are simple, and the only real hurdle is the logistics of scale: how to get a national (or even just statewide) bloodless coup staged quickly and effectively.  It’s too late for 2006, but we should start planning a truly outstanding prank/revolutionary act for the next presidential election.  If all this sounds insane, read on anyway.

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