A Crash Course on Crop Circles
The science, the controversy, the hoaxes, the weirdness, the geometry....you know, there’s a lot to cover when you start looking into crop circles. First of all, if you’re thinking “wait a second, wasn’t this all proven to be a prank some British guys did?”, you really need to re-assess how you form your opinions and beliefs. Second of all, if you’re thinking “ah, yes, the messages from aliens”, you really need to re-assess your abililty to make informed decisions. As usual, Brainsturbator will be walking a heretic path that will manage to piss off a great many people without even making any conclusions.
And as usual, Brainsturbator will be lazy as hell and mostly post up a few dozen really pretty photos for our beautiful, talented and brilliant readers to download. There will be links, there will be quotes, and there will be a lot of unanswerable questions. Hopefully you will wind up as curious, confused and energized as I am.
First of all, yes, two British guys made a great many crop circles by running around in a field at night with a board and stomping down wheat into patterns. So before we get into the weird stuff, let’s qualify everything that get said here today with a single image:
Begin at the Beginning
For starters, here’s a strange little wrinkle: the case of the Mowing Devil. Click on the image to get a closer look, it’s an account from Hertfordshire, England --- and it’s dated from 1678. It’s signifigant for 10,000 reasons, but we’ll focus on the fact England is the location for nearly every single crop circle you see in this article, and also the location of the “Circlemakers”.
Full text reads: Being a True Relation of a Farmer, who Bargaining with a Poor Mower, about the Cutting down Three Half Acres of Oats: upon the Mower’s asking too much, the Farmer swore That the Devil should Mow it rather than He. And so it fell out, that very Night, the Crop of Oat shew’d as if it had been all of a flame: but next Morning appear’d so neatly mow’d by the Devil or some Infernal Spirit, that no Mortal Man was able to do the like. Also, How the said Oats ly now in the Field, and the Owner has not Power to fetch them away.
If you remember Jacques Vallee, there is a richly weird body of UFO-style lore dating back just about as long as humans have existed. We would caution the reader against making conclusions, but not as much as we would caution against dismissing weird thoughts. Those are solid gold, hold them close and feed them well. With that in mind, let’s begin the gallery, because it’s 5 am and my eyeballs are bleeding.
Take a Closer Look
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That’s, uh, very interesting
Humans are designed to fill voids, and there’s no shortage of “explanations” for all this weirdness. One of our personal favorites is the “Crop Circle Ship” Project, who insist that there’s a sequential thread of crop circles which are explicit instructions on how to build an anti-gravity ship. Their work is far harder to dismiss than skeptics would like, and not nearly conclusive enough for you to believe in it. (But, you know, feel free.)
Their rundown on the symbology involved is a trip unto itself, and we highly reccommend reading that over in a vaguely altered state.
Brainsturbator respectfully suggests anyone hungry for some honest and skeptical inquiry check out BLT Research. Their site is a wealth of information and they’re mercifully free of space brothers, 2012 information, and concern over black helicopters. (Don’t get us wrong, you should be concerned with black helicopters, just not in this context.)
We will do a follow-up article to this examining two particularly juicy circles, the relative bullshit content of the Circlemaker’s claims, and possible technology behind all this. Stay tuned, but as anyone waiting for part 2 of the Jackston Stephens article knows, it helps to be patient.
Finish With a Bang
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PART TWO PART THREE PART FOUR
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10 responses to "A Crash Course on Crop Circles"
Nov 10, 2006 at 2:46 PM
Carol a.k.a. Pleyade says...
Hi there,
Yeah I have seen them pics before. I keep close track of everyting that’s going on about Crop Circles. If you go to my profile and look at the top left Slide, you’ll see a Slide with Robbie Williams pics and Janosh art pics. Janosh is an artist that makes artwork from the Crop Circle figures. You must know that is all “Holy Geometry”.
Have a good weekend. Grtz, C*
Nov 10, 2006 at 3:34 PM
George says...
I think they’re great and enjoy studying the designs, and discovering the art different people create from them, and I have actually formed my own personal argument for either side. But the fact remains, or rather, the facts don’t surface, as to whether or not, they’re genuinely alien or man-made.
There’s still too many unanswered questions for me.
I guess, like everything else on this marble, anything is what you make of it. I’ll still read everything the good Brainsturbator posts about them.
Nov 10, 2006 at 4:43 PM
thirtyseven says...
Yeah, I have no conclusions whatsoever. It’s not as though we’d need aliens to get this geometric information, since it all predates our culture in the first place. Also, the certified hoaxes—and corporate ad jobs that the circlemakers have done—are remarkably complex, although still not on the level and scale of the more mysterious/jaw-dropping glyphs.
Nov 10, 2006 at 5:00 PM
thirtyseven says...
Also, this article went up cuz I’d been shocked to discover how many people rejected this as being a prank on gullible new-agers.
Not saying it’s not, just saying the proof is nowhere to be found, and the explanations are most unsatisfactory. Then again, most things I assumed to be a “settled commodity” in terms of truth and bullshit content have turned out to be weirder and more compelling than I ever dreamed.
Strange universe, strange history.
Nov 10, 2006 at 11:11 PM
adcam says...
Some of these look like drawings I’ve been doodling out for years. Ooooowweeeeoooo.
Nov 15, 2006 at 11:56 PM
Rena says...
One of my sixth graders has been hounding me for information on crop circles, so I printed this article and gave it to him. But being a sixth grader, he read the first paragraph and began giggling saying, “It says reasses twice!”
I took the article away from him and replaced it with my email address and told him to email me next year when he might be mature enough to read it and I will send it to him.
It’s great info., I will use in my class. Thanks.
Feb 03, 2007 at 2:19 PM
Goro says...
basic logic can tell you a lot
1. Most patterns have their centers on or near the combine (farm machinery) track lanes.
2. The first crop circles (many years ago)were very simple, as time went on they became more complicated and decorative.
Now all you have to do is think, WHY?
Feb 03, 2007 at 7:00 PM
martin says...
I have a question. Has any one noticed what compas direction these crop circles are in? Are they facing N, S, E or W? that may be a key, or not.
Feb 03, 2007 at 7:10 PM
halo says...
Further to the comment regarding track lanes.
Ever watch the Zamboni machine cleaning the ice hockey pad between periods?
My guess is the crop circle dudes are using a machine much like the Zamboni. Using hydraulics to move the squisher up and down
One of these days a photo of the machine will get posted and we’ll all have a good laugh?
Feb 03, 2007 at 11:56 PM
Suzanne Taylor says...
Check this out: “Why Real Crop Circles Can’t Be Hoaxed” http://theconversation.org/booklet2.html
Then see if you want to sign this:
“WHAT IF THEY’RE REAL? A Call For an Investigation of What is Known About Crop Circles” http://TheConversation.org/call.htm